I really did want to do this daily, but I'm not going to get down about it - sometimes it's just not possible. Yet again we've had stuff happening beyond our control. Being diagnosed as diabetic is taking some getting used to, I have a lot of feelings about my past to try and deal with - not sure now is the right time, and am trying to pack them away in their little boxes in my head. The whole not wanting to be like my so-called father is the biggest issue, but also trying to deal with the fact that my maternal grandparents were diabetic and me not knowing and then thinking about everything I missed whilst I was estranged from the family. There is so much I don't know about and so much I missed out on. But the past is the past and can't be changed. There is no point dwelling on it.
I spent Sunday and Monday in a real bad way. We are thinking that it was food poisoning of some kind. I couldn't keep anything down or in - not even water. Mand was an absolute star and had to look after me more than she should have to at this stage in my life. I love her so much. She just accepts what has to be done and gets on with it - however horrid it may be.
On Wednesday she had to have the hysteroscopy and endrometial ablation. It scared the hell out of me. I was petrified of losing her under the anaesthetic. I didn't want her in pain from the procedure either. She was so brave. I watched the other women come back and they were all dozy and looked awful - Mand came round the corner sat up in bed and chirpy and shouting Hello Darling. It was wonderful to see. She has had a lot of pain, but managed to mask it in the hospital so I could get her home to look after her. She has slept a lot, and now just has her normal period pain - not nice, but handleable.
Beth has had her first atheletics meet of the season and performed amazingly well. She's already beaten her personal best at long jump. We're sure she's going to be competing at county level. She is amazing. I've spent two evenings this week braiding her hair for her. She reminds me of what I wanted to be like when I was her age. She is going to have the most fabulous life.
Our seeds are surprising us by how much they are growing. We have potato plants and garlic sprouting as well. It's going to be a fabulous summer for fresh veg. It's hard to believe that we are creating food, seeing it change before our eyes is such a privilege.
Tonight is going to be a very special night. Mand and I are going to see Kate Rusby. I hope Mand likes it. We are going for a Thai meal beforehand - I know she'll like that! Then tomorrow we are going to watch the Flower Parade - this I'm not looking forward to as much, as I don't want to run into past students at the moment. It will be lovely to be with family, but I would like us to be left alone in our own little bubble. We have such an amazing life when we are left alone, it only gets bad when the real world creeps in.
Now I'm off to finish making tutus for Dan and his mates at work. They are raising money for an orphanage in Kenya that their boss visits regularly. We can't do much to help, but we will do everything we can. Despite everything we go through, I am so aware that there are people out there that are in a far far worse position than me. I am so very lucky.
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